A relatively short walk often reveals that the undergrowth thins out and the air is cooler due to light blockage from overhead boughs. Sometimes, a serene meadow clearing or lively mountain stream breaks into view to reward the persistent hiker. It is not unusual to encounter incredible samples of wildlife in natural habitat. Entering this little corner of creation gives a different perspective than do most "everyday" experiences and it can even be described as a refreshing change of pace.
But, to the unprepared and inexperienced: "frightening", "deceptive" or "frustrating" might be more appropriate descriptions. Without a map and compass, proper gear, a guide, or at least a good grasp of common sense, the forest can be deadly. More than one unsuspecting person has gotten "turned around" to where east seems to be north and one tree begins to look exactly like every other. Bears, cougars and wolves have been known to attack. Sometimes, relatively well-seasoned outdoorsmen attempt to take on the wilderness and perish because they were not well enough equipped to handle certain surprise circumstances. Yet occasionally, there surfaces an incredible story of survival and "beating of the odds".
Life in general is like this, but the internet seems to provide a concentrated dose of both good and evil. It offers a window into the daily walk and experiences of other believers. Being able to comment and discuss on blogs can be a wonderful way to learn and grow--or just show appreciation for a sister/brother in Christ. Some writings are beautifully edifying--the reader walks away filled with reverence for God and thankfulness for the kindness of our Father toward His children. Other pages lovingly challenge one's faith--Like the Apostle Paul, the author encourages readers to stay the course and strive for excellence. Still other articles are instructive and thoughtfully examine and explain deeper matters of theological significance.
However, there are also many sites that do nothing but heap condemnation upon the visitor who does not measure up to the author's understanding of righteous living. More than once, I have been brought to tears of hopelessness over the fact that my life looks nothing like some of the pictures that are painted as "the only truly obedient path"--and have no readily available means to obtain such a lifestyle. It's easy to get disoriented in the forest.
Some authors have a worthwhile point, but do not allow room for the possibility that another perspective could also be right. And again, the faith gets shaken because the reader wonders why she has not come to the same conclusion and does not have that same confidence about the issue. Does a difference of opinion actually mean the matter is "debatable", or is it a question of salvation? More than once, I have begged God to show me whether I have been self-deceived concerning my Christian walk. Not all trail guides are helpful.
There are some sites which appear to offer sound, Biblical advice, yet the "feel" of the author's tone seems wrong. Not being a scholar, I find these encounters particularly frustrating because I cannot pinpoint exactly what bother's me. It is similar to stepping into an inviting, sunny meadow, yet being unable to enjoy it because there is a feeling that "something" is lurking in the shadows at the edge of the treeline.
Then there are the wolves, cougars and bears that seem to delight in aggressively shredding the faith of those who claim the name of Christ.
I know it is not my place to judge the soul of anyone else. The above observations are simply that, and based on my own experience. Over the past 8 months, I have had to examine and re-examine my own heart before the Lord as I have encountered a vast array of beliefs and opinions about the nature of God, the work of Jesus, true repentance and what is required of one who claims to have a relationship with Christ.
While some perspectives fall within the realm of "debatable matters", there are others which strike at the very foundation of the Christian faith. I know it's important to know the truth, and want desperately to know it. But I also recall that Paul said one may put on a great show and still miss the mark (1 Corinthians 13). I've agonized over whether it is possible to love the Lord and truly be following Him, yet have an honest intellectual misunderstanding about one or another aspect of doctrine that some people have presented as essential. Surely, the Lord will not fail to correct His true children at an appropriate time...
I've often found myself reminded of Jesus' warning that few will find the way to eternal life. And the panic rises...I wonder whether I have found it--or am I just fooling myself? Is my experience one of true conversion--or am I relying on false piety and my own "good works" to save me? Am I obeying the things that God has allowed me to understand--or am I shirking my duty to Him? Am I willing to follow even when I don't understand an instruction--or am I dismissing as unimportant the "hard" things which don't make sense? Am I loving my neighbor in a godly way or behaving in a self-serving way?
Do I love the Lord above all else? Has He given me that desire--or do I just like to pretend that I have it?
In the end, I have no choice but to lay my heart at God's feet and beg Him to show me what is true. He is the Maker of all and only His judgments are trustworthy. I believe He has begun His work in my heart and I have to trust that He will complete it. All I know to do is to go forward with what I can see and cling to the hope that He will mercifully cover me when I fail to understand, or am slow to obey, or foolishly wander off the obvious path and into the dense, dark forest.
13 comments:
oh....((((hugs!))))
I have felt the same way about the internet at times...you've given a great analogy.
I cant say anything of any real comfort re: the 2nd half of your post. Except that I am encouraged to see you pursue a real relationship with God. Not stagnating, not settling for mediocre, but constantly striving to seek His way in order that He might be glorified in your life.
For those of us with our 'damascus' moments...I am pretty confident that I am saved. What gets me down is whether I am doing my best for Him. When I stand before Him and account for all I have done, when I see the missed opportunities for witness, when I see the disobedience or even just laziness...I wont have a second chance to run the race. Sometimes I get beyond sad just living in a western culture. We have the disease of complacency a lot of the time- both secular and Christian alike. With so much 'stuff' and opportunity and money and knowledge (not wisdom) at our disposal it is too easy to trust ourselves rather than God. It seems like there are lots of Christians that have the mentality 'oh Im saved, now I'll live my life however I want to'. Its really sad.
For me, the only way to get beyond these feelings is to remain thankful, and focus on the task that God would have me do TODAY. To prepare myself as best I can for what He may have me do tomorrow. To make sure that our lives and habits are not just getting through another week, month, year...but that they are each one used in a way that can honour God, making our daily life a ministry. I pray that He might salvage the wreckage of sin & disobedience in this vessel and use me for His glory.
It seems like it is always a good thing to reflect on the things God has allowed us to understand, and question whether we are using that effectively- whether we are being faithful, or whether we have let it slide all the way to the bottom of the laundry basket. It is good to have a serious think on where our priorities are. By thinking on these things we can further reflect on Gods goodness, grace and mercy...that He forgives us despite the constant disappointment He must feel at our complacency and disobedience. And to really ensure that we are submitting ourselves in obedience and going about His business.
I think it is possible for people to love the Lord yet have doctrinal disagreements. For me, I try not to argue but point to scripture which is the foundation for my beliefs. I always make sure to show my appreciation when someone points out scripture that supports their feelings. Afterall, I am only human, prone to errors and most definitely not the authority on the Bible! I also know that we are all part of the same 'Church' and shouldnt turn on each other. But unfortunately, there are many Christians who dont actually know why they believe what they do. They believe what their pastor says...or what their daddy taught them...or generally just go along with their social networks...and rarely read the living word of God to let it convict their own hearts. It is just so easy in life to ignore the Bible, and starve ourselves rather than devouring Gods word like we ought to. As far as those who are doctrinally different yet are living lives that are in the Word and actively seeking Gods will...I dont have an answer. The only thing I can think is that somehow in the body of Christ, we have different purposes and passions that God has equipped us for. But I dont really know...?
So much in these last 7 years you have been a witness and an encouragement to me. I love you!
Thank you so much for your encouraging comment, Karina.
Yes, "beyond sad" is an excellent description of how I often feel about western culture. For the moment, at least, we have so many resources at our disposal--even the less fortunate of us often have more than most 3rd world people.
And instead of looking for ways to bless others, I have a sad history of mostly grabbing for more.
I often remember your exercise in thankfulness and consciously look for ways to express appreciation for the "mundane" things I used to take for granted...You, dear sister, have taught me some important lessons which I treasure.
I agree that it is possible to have doctrinal disagreements and still love both the Lord and each other. Craig and I were recently discussing how we need to be careful about how we exercise our "freedom in Christ" in matters that might offend another believer's conscience. I recall Cain's question to God about whether he was his brother's keeper. And in some ways, we are to be "keepers" in that we need to be just as concerned for other people's "rightness" with the Lord as we are with our own salvation. What a HUGE responsibility!
"Devouring" God's word is a great way to describe how I feel these days. I gobble up the verses and keep coming back for more--hoping that it will help make sense of what I just read. Sort of the way I used to consume chocolate. :o( only I don't feel guilty about it.
And I'm learning to actually talk with God rather than simply recite a wish list at Him.
Some days, though, the failures are so painful--or I will get hold of something that completely knocks me for a loop. And I start to doubt...
I pray that through the testing of my faith, I will be shown to be a true follower of Christ
I love you, too. Hope you have a wonderful day :o)
H
That was a perfect post, Heather, and a wonderful analogy. You know the struggles I've had.
We all have struggles and questions. It is not easy to be in the forest with so many different paths. But you have map, you have guide and you have a goal. Pray, ask, read, seek and you will arrive home 'cause it is not about you, it is about Him. And He is faithful, He is loving, He is merciful and He wants you home. Blessings.
Ah, Mary...I relate well to the struggles you have shared with me.
Thank you, Natasa. It is becoming more clear to me how much we, as Christ's members, need each other for encouragement, correction, and the practical aspect of learning to care for someone else.
It is truly a difficult thing to be a new creation stuck in a sin-marred shell. I do look forward to being released from the struggle.
In Christ,
Heather
Wow what a great post.. and oh so true!
You are such a deep thinker and encourager!
I also wanted to thank you (with a big virtual hug) for being an encouragement (both you and your husband) to a couple of my good friends. I think (at least I hope) you know who I am talking about!
What a blessing it is to be able to glean from the insights of the people of God! We are truly rich with regards to the mediums that are available to us. When our hearts and minds are challenged by various views we are stirred to be as the Bereans and search the scriptures to discover whether those things are so! How accurate the statement is that I have heard more than once, "we are students as long as we live"
What a privilege to be one such student at the feet of Jesus and the saints that make up His body!
Kim M, I believe I do know, and am thankful that God has given us the ability to not only be aware of certain needs, but also experience a true concern for other believers whom we have never (personally)met.
Well, said, Mr. Gabbard. I am beginning to understand the essential nature of the "contrite and broken heart" before the Lord. It isn't just a one time , momentary experience but rather a constant state of humble teachability.
What a privilege to be allowed a glimpse of God's glory while yet existing in our earthly (sin-prone) bodies!
H
This is a very well-written and understood post. You say it so well. I have struggled for years with an overactive conscience that often leaves me guilt-laden.
AM,
Conscience can be a good thing, used by God to direct us--or it can be manipulated by the enemy to confuse and paralyze.
God has been teaching me the importance of a well-maintained relationship with Him. And I believe we must each learn to trust the Lord every step of the way so we nether lag behind Him nor race ahead.
H
Ive heard so many interpretations of when the bible instructs us to "not be double-minded".....
My gut tells me that this can/could mean that we need to be sure and not wavering in our convictions. For me, this means knowing what I have authentically been persoanlly convicted of, and not being brainwashed and not tailgaiting someone else's bandwagon. When I do either of those things, confusion arrives, and it is then that I waver from one extreme to another, thus displaying some internal double-mindedness. It has literally made me sick. Instead of getting caught up in the frenzy, I try to arrest myself in the act and do not take on convictions that were not genuinely mine. Of course, I am not speaking of boundaried commands; I am speaking moreso of principles where a command might fit into several different puzzles.
Sometimes it feels as though God has given me my own puzzle (life). I must build the puzzle. I must not build someone else's puzzle. All puzzles may be square and have 4 edges....but they wont all have the same path to fitting pieces together on the inside...and they are all put together on different timelines....to reveal some different artwork.
This is my opinion only. :)
AM, that is an interesting way to allegorize life. A puzzle. Some days I feel like a few of my pieces are missing :0D
You are right. People will apply the concept of "double mindedness" in different ways. Some controlling church leaders may insist that to question their authority is being "double minded". Others seem to believe that if a person finds any pleasure whatsoever in life that is outside of Bible reading, church activity or missionary work, then there is a problem with being "double minded". Still others seem to have defined down the true meaning of holiness into a specific lifestyle--and those who are not convinced that it is "the" way are accused of being "double minded".
Because of Paul's stress on the role of a believer's conscience, I think you are, in one aspect, correct in stating that in "debatable matters" we must not be easily swayed when there is no scripturally defined sin involved. When we start carving up our consciences, our spiritual "ears" become dull and we are less likely to listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
In the original Greek, the word for "double-minded" is "dipsuchos". James uses it first in 1:8 when instructing us to pray for wisdom when we are unsure of what to do. He says that the one who asks God for wisdom, yet "doubts" is "double minded" and will receive nothing. Basically, that means that if I don't know what to do, ask God, yet still am holding back in my willingness to obey His instruction, I shouldn't expect Him to enlighten me to His truth. The Lord requires hearts that are dedicated to pure devotion to Him--even when our lives don't make sense.
In James 4:8-10, he uses "double minded" again in pleading with readers to be cleansed and purified from "friendship with the world". I know some people read that to mean that believers should not intermingle with non-believers but in the context, James is specifically talking about a personal heart attitude.
The way I interact with the world is dictated by the state of my heart. The "friendship" that James is talking about is the same type of thing that John is saying in 1 John 2:15-17 "Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him,
because all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
And the world passes away, and the lust of it, but he who does the will of God abides forever."
Double mindedness is about the condition of a person's heart and motivations for the things we do/say/read/etc. I suppose it could be summarized in the question "What is most important to me--God's way, or mine?" If the honest answer is "mine", then I am being double minded and need to repent.
I'm no theologian, but that is my layperson's understanding of what James is trying to say to his readers.
H
Oh, forgot to give the definition of "dipsuchos". Stong's Hebrew and Greek dictionary says it means to be "'two spirited', that is, vacillating (in opinion or purpose)".
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